to lost

[iceangel19.livejournal.com]

Rating pg-13 for mild language

Title: Wanting to be Free
Series: Unknown // Saiyuki
Auther: Yami
Notes: Doushite means "Why" underline is flash backs and '..' with italicsized words in them are thoughts from soemone. There is some language but not enough to really be worried about it.


She sat there looking out the window, tears threating to come down as it rained. She wrapped her arms quickly around her and bit her lip so she wouldn't cry. She started to rock herself as she watched it rain, and soon it started raining inside as well. There wasn't much that could be done as tears just wouldn't stop. "I'm just fucked up... I'm a fucked up mess." She felt her insides shutter as she said it she couldn't help but to cry even worse, and it seemed as she cried worse it went raining harder than before.
'mm Thats right you are an emotional mess' a voice came to her in her head. The voice sounded sly, yet wicked and smooth enough it could easily sweep you off your feet if it wasn't torturing you.
"Shut up... just shut up!" She yelled back trying not to cry anymore than what she was.
'but its the truth.. he left because of you' The voice was taunting lightly.
"Leave me alone!! dear kami make him leave me alone." She cried out, eyes red and puffy from crying, that she was still doing as gray eyes couldn't look more dead than what they already were. Her mind went back to that day, to what happened when he left.

~Flash Back~
She was humming softly to herself messing with a rose as she was gently freezing the water on it making a design out of it. A smile appeared on her lips and looked up as she heard foot steps.
He looked at her with seriouse green eyes "Lilly..."
She blinked her head tilted as she stood up with the rose in her hand. "Hai Hakkai?"
He looked at her, his green eyes didn't show sadness but hate, and the hate was toward her. "I'm leaving, I can't live here with you anymore. And I don't want you in my life ever again."
Lilly looked at him dropping the rose, her face went from curiouse to sad within a second. Tears forming as she looked at him. "Hakkai.." she barely whispered as she looked at him a tear falling down her cheek.
He shook his head and headed off by himself. "Hakuryuu!" The white dragon came out and turned into a jeep as he got in and drove away.
She couldn't help but to cry as her knees hit the ground first, her body shaking with sobs as her arms went around herself. She was breaking inside, the fatel crash and burn was happening.
~End Flash Back~

Lilly couldn't help but to start crying again, one hand moved and clutched her chest tightly as the pain was still there like a fresh wound that wouldn't go away. She leaned back against the window and looked up at the cealing. "Doushite..... doushite?" She whispered out during her sobbing she didn't seem to care if she died right there, she just didn't want to feel the pain in her heart anymore, it was to much for her to just hold on.
'Why do you deserv happiness? You've killed millions and not cared, you should live in missery' The voice now sounded more venomoiuse, nothing like Lilly had encounted before.
"Leave me alone...... leave me alone!" She cried out yelling at the top of her lungs, her fist pounded at the wood under her, not caring about the pain that shot streight up her arm.
'No ones there to save you. You will be alone forever' The voice lingered with an earie sense.
She was shaking now, barely able to breath no matter how much she tried to calm herself down she couldn't the pain was to great to bare. And what was said last was sticking to her head 'you will be alone forever'. Her one worst fear, was to be alone and no one would care for her. No one was there to save her, she was alone with her demons, with her past and the blood on her hands. Gray eyes were full of sadness as se leaned against the wood behind her. "alone.... forever" she whispered as her tear stained face seem to stay in that state of pain, inside was cracking, if there was anything left of a soft human heart, it was turning to ice, iced over in pain with no one to ever save her from her dark pit.



Yami